Drowning Street, SW1 - (Ass Mess): The cash-for-peerages probe took a dramatic twist today with the news that Camilla's elevation to the rank of Duchess last year cost the UK Hellfire Club a staggering £500 million in deft backhanders to the Murdoch family disorientation business Faux News.
But now the Met's crack investigation team is on the home run as the Prime Monster and his blind trust portfolio bagman Lord Levy ratchet up the smarm factor in Tel Aviv today with a brilliant impersonation of Convincing World Statesman Syndrome as yet more Labour officials are handed red card warnings of imminent Yuletide questions at New Scotland Yard.
All police leave is being cancelled this week and criminal barristers with more than 15 years' experience are being asked to stand by as the long arm of the law reaches into the murky depths of Blair's thirty year relationship with the American Bonesmen's paterfamilias George Bush Senior.
"They may have found the smoking gun at last", said an insider at the Strangest Bar in the House of Commons today. "Or at least the fingerprints on a cartridge case belonging to a Mr Grassy Noel found outside the Book Suppository in Dallas, Texas on November 22 1963."
The Winter Solstice is on Friday.