Sacramento, CA - Recognizing that the current state budget surplus was the result of unusual federal grants during the pandemic and that next year's budget will be billions short, California governor Gavin Newsom is considering a proposal that would…
LAS VEGAS – (Satire News) – After receiving countless petitions with literally millions of signatures, the Nevada State Senate has acted. The “Staters” voted 91-9 to abolish any and all Friday the 13ths. Sen. Higgley P. Fernandez of Poker Chips…
Mel Stacksmiller, VP of New Business for the Darkstar Casino Group today announced a list of new “Elite Membership” packages to be made available in September at all their casinos. One of the most unique offerings is the top-of-the-line Platinum…
As the winners of last year's Premier League title, Liverpool were strongly backed to repeat that feat this year, and, after beating Crystal Palace 7-0 on 19 December, not many people would have bet against them. But one man did. Alisson is his…
There was an extraordinary coincidence this morning, when a man reading a book noticed that the date on which events in the story were taking place, were doing so on 1 November, which was said to be a Sunday - just exactly as it is today, Sunday, the…
Tampa Bay, Fl - In a remarkable show of confidence in the ability and determination of his new football team, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback, Tom Brady, has bravely 'put his money where his mouth is', and placed a bet on the Buccs to reach Supe…
In an effort to shake off her royal shackles, and to 'get real' in the world of work, Buckingham Palace has announced that Her Majesty the Queen has been offered a position in advertising, and will take over the role presently occupied by former acto...
Ray Winstone, the star of the cult 1979 movie, 'Scum', and 2000's 'Sexy Beast', is to make a guest star appearance in the upcoming Christmas edition of BBC soap, EastEnders, it has been revealed. He will then become a full member of the cast. Wins...
Arcadia, CA. - The death of over twenty horses this season at Santa Anita may be the work of Losers Anon., a vocal anti-gambling organization in Southern California. They have publicly taken credit for the deaths that caused cancellation of racing tw...
President Donald Trump today revealed details of his plans for the development of land in the border area with Mexico, plans which are dominated by the somewhat surprising intention to build a number of 'Supercasinos'. The casinos would, Trump say...
Two naughty nuns have been spotted gambling in Las Vegas on slot machines and Blackjack tables with money they slipped into their wimples. When asked by their boss, a Papal rep, where in "heaven's name" (get it?) did they get the money from and wh...
There was little sympathy for one man this week, when it was revealed he had received his dole cheque on Wednesday, and then headed straight for Las Vegas, where he spent the fucking lot! David Arsehole, 23, from Manchester, signed on at the Unemp…
Calvin Jones, a self-identified gambling addict, says that his life continues to get “bettor and bettor” as he continues to discover new and exciting things on which to wager. As a former semipro baseball player, Cal explained that he initially gr...
Special to TPN - Boy Scouts of America president Randall Stephenson announced that President-elect Donald Trump will become an honorary scoutmaster at the organization's National Jamboree to be held in July 2017. "Mr. Trump exemplifies all those...
A recent government study just concluded that the previous government study was a complete waste of money. Government scientists previously conducted a study on the gambling habits of monkeys, to see if the monkeys copied other monkeys betting habits...
Investors on Wall Street are turning in droves to a new cult that is sweeping America. Spokesman for Scientology Tom Cruise has said it should be banned outright. Officials of the Sri Swami Winner's cult called "Scientific Amerology" deny that it is a cult. They say it is a "natural philosophy" of the New Age that was incubated during the the 1960s Flower Power Movement in Los Angeles and has...
Clearwater, Florida guy, Sammy Dweeberson, spent a pretty uneventful life, up until now. His daily routine consisted of a shower and a nose shave, a breakfast of asparagus cookies, work at a candle manufacturing factory, a stop at a Popeye's on the...
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