Tory leader tells the truth

Funny story written by T. Loaf

Thursday, 8 October 2015

In a remarkable turnaround in party policy, David Cameron, Conservative head and Prime Minister, has pledged to pursue an honest approach to politics. His message to Conference was, "From now on we're going to tell the truth."

"Yes, it's risky," said Cameron, "and it's never been done before. But we have to be open for new channels, new ideas and fresh concepts."

The statement was made at the Party Conference in Manchester to a stunned audience, clearly shaken by the proposal.

"It's interesting, but I'm not sure the British public is ready for this yet," said a leading Tory official. "I've got nothing against new ideas, but they must hold water."

The truth has been an ongoing, controversial theme within the Conservative party for decades. Back in the 1980s under Margaret Thatcher, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Sir Geoffrey Howe, was dismissed for 'being honest' during a budget debate. The current Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Duncan-Smith, has also been frequently accused of 'correctness and frankness' in his remarks, but could now benefit from Cameron's new strategy.

George Osborne, present Chancellor of the Exchequer and Deputy Prime Minister was sceptical. "In all fairness, I don't really see how truth is going to help us. The people knew what they were voting for and a U-turn like this could destroy their trust in our dealings and cause the markets to wobble."

Home Secretary, Theresa May, struck a similar chord. "It's vital to have the backing of the public. They have to know what to expect. The truth could confuse many, particularly the old and vulnerable, house prices might fall resulting in mass poverty, pillaging and general havoc across the nation. Truth has never been a focal issue with us, and I feel it would be unwise to drift from our roots. Everything's nice as it is."

A final decision on Cameron's proposal has been postponed until the next conference in 2016.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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