Buckingham Palace will be the venue for this year's Royal Christmas Eve Turkey Shoot. Prince Philip will fire a cannon to disturb 5000 turkeys, making them fly as easy targets across the special garden party arsenal of armed toffs.
This year's massacre will be a chance for the "Oik" population of Plebs to show their appreciation of the Duke of Edinburgh's selfless hard work over the years by buying tickets at £500 a throw. Funds will be raised to buy a new crown for Prince Charles's surprise New Year coronation event.
Turkeys (Turkus Turkus) are still found in the wild all over New York and surprisingly can fly and soar like eagles. They roost in high, secure places in their natural habitat, for instance on the tops of skyscrapers.
Turkeys have a reputation for being stupid, but are quite intelligent birds scoring an average of 3 on the Rickmanov bird IQ scale.