A glut of enormous fat turkeys in Norfolk is a result of early ripening due to global warming, our Christmas fowl correspondent was told by the Bishop of Norfolk this morning. This is the second year running that the church has got it wrong since monopolising turkey production.
Bernice Mathewson, an ex-turkey breeder and advisor to the holy turkey production unit at Canterbury Cathedral in Norwich told The Spoof, "Everything is still on track. The Christmas turkeys are a little bigger again due to plumper cereal grain, which is due to global warming, the end result being humongous turkeys.
We will get more cash for them obviously and people will be able to buy half turkeys which can be a healthier option combined with a balanced diet. All our turkeys have been pre-blessed so they will not burn easily if left for a long time unattended in an oven. People should check with their doctors before suddenly starting a half turkey based healthy eating regime".