It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

Funny story written by Herrdoktorfox

Sunday, 16 November 2014

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Preview tapes of Sidney's commercial have been well received to date.

Due to the continuing hammering they are receiving from both Aldi and Lidl the big four Supermarkets namely, Tesco, ASDA, Morrison's and Sainsbury's are each vying for what will be left of the Christmas market once people have stocked up via their German rivals. To this effect the big four, with all the business acumen of a shrivelled up testicle, have each launched multi-million pound Christmas advertising campaigns in the vain hope of pulling off a 'Supermarket Stalingrad' and wiping out the their two superior German rivals!

Meanwhile, the Co-op, still vainly trading in a 1960's time warp has decided to re-invent themselves with a dynamic new Christmas campaign. Unfortunately, not having anywhere near the amount of money to produce a multi-million-mega commercial they have had to fall back on staff involvement to some degree.

The potential 'lifesaver' has been one, Sidney Ricketts, 87, a retired 35mm film splicer and continuity man from Ealing Studios, now grafting for peanuts as a shelf filler at his local North London Co-operative store to supplement his lowly state pension.

Having overheard his branch manager bemoaning the weekly dwindling profits of late, Sid took the initiative and made a suggestion, one that could very well see him getting a £25 Marks & Spencer voucher should it prove successful.

Being an avid amateur hand held camera enthusiast (a nod to both his Ealing days and nudist camp holiday adventures), Sidney still has a working, trusty Kodak hand held camera which he always carries upon him on his days off. One of his prized recordings pertained to the Tottenham Riots of August 2011.

On that fateful night Sidney had stopped off at his local fish shop, the 'Frying Squad' in order to purchase a pensioner portion when all hell broke loose outside. From his vantage point inside the shop Sidney observed, what he later 'naughtily' described as being, "akin to Roark's Drift outtakes from the film Zulu!", and dutifully began recording events on his trusty hand-held. The rest as they say is history and dutifully recorded for posterity by a thousand and one global news agencies

Having recently viewed the Sainsbury Christmas advert, the one glorifying the death of millions in the name of profit, he was instantly moved, doubtless due in no small part to the Co-op own brand marked down Curry he had purchased on the way home from work that night.

Next morning he approached his manager with his idea of splicing together various shots of the riots with other numerous bits and pieces, including Co-op store interior. Thus creating a 'street creed' style advert for the Co-op which would appeal to everyone and rival anything the big four had come up with. After detailing his ideas to his manager the latter was well impressed and immediately contacted the Co-op's CEO for the go-ahead.
Given a budget, not exceeding £201.99, Sidney was given two days off from his next year's holiday entitlement and told to 'go create', this he has done big time and the end result is expected to debut sometime in early December on ITV.

The finished commercial opens with to the strains of Bing Crosby singing 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas' while depicting happy, smiling, carefree young shoppers rushing into numerous shops and re-emerging a few seconds later armed with TV's, DVD players, bottles of drink, linen products etc etc. Cut to a typical shot of a Co-op store where a soothing voiceover purrs; "Christmas shopping all done, time to relax with a nice soothing cup of Co-op tea and a delightful mince pie, it will make your Christmas!"

It is rumoured that both Poundland and the 99p shop are in discussion with Sidney with a view to him both producing/directing commercials for them, needless to say, Sidney's agent is holding out for the best BOGOF offer on his behalf.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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