Verbalometer Sweeping the World

Written by Auntie Matter

Thursday, 25 September 2014

image for Verbalometer Sweeping the World
No Talking Back or Else!

A new gadget called THE VERBALOMETER is set to go global and is already selling at lightning speed to governments and institutions all over the world. Anywhere where bureaucracy operates from the loftiest government department, your local council offices, housing departments, welfare departments, to schools, places of work, banks, etc, etc, etc. It has already been installed at the check-in points of every airport in Europe.

How does it work?

The contraption automatically records any conversation within a ten feet radius. It can also take video or still pictures.

Similar to CCTV its purpose is however, much more focused and altogether more worrying for the average citizen seeking answers or pleading his case to state functionaries. It both records soundbytes and automatically builds a voice recognition file so that the speaker's identity can be matched anywhere else in the world as soon as he opens his mouth.

Normal conversation registers as 50-60 decibels. Anything over 75 decibels and the Verbalometer automatically activates an alarm similar to a low-pitched siren. Over 75 decibels is read as "aggression". Above 80 is the land of "verbal abuse". Sneezes and other extraneous noises are automatically filtered out.

When the siren goes off the interviewer will remind the talker that he is in "violation of office protocols" and can be formally charged with "aggression" or "verbal abuse".

This, in Britain, can carry a fine of between £2,500 and £5,000 or a three months spell in prison. Already in the UK the Verbalometer's recordings are now admissible as evidence in law courts.

Now, here is the clincher: the Verbalometer has an automatic relay to security or, in the absence of security, to the police or state security officers, whoever happens to be nearest to the scene of the 'incident'.

An arrest can then be made on the spot at the discretion of the interviewer.

Opponents of the Verbalometer say it is an infringement of their rights, a blatant attempt to control them, to intimidate them and to lord it over them. Worse, it is an attack on their freeedom of speech which is the very bedrock of democracy.

"Not so," says Dr. Wolfgang Von Klaptrapp the inventor and leading light at the Tavistock Insitute London: "We see it as pest control."
He refused to elaborate on what he meant by "we".
"Some would see it as a negation of every right we have... whatever decibels we may use," suggested our reporter. "Raising one's voice in a brief period of outrage is surely natural and normal to human beings especially if he or she sees themselves as a victim of injustice. Is a person who has just been informed by his bank manager for instance that his home is about to be repossessed and he and his family turfed out into the street... is that person expected to stay meek and mild and utter not a word? Can this be allowed in a normal society and, may I ask, who exactly has the right NOT to be offended by another's exercise of his God-Given right to freedom of expression? Who authorized this, Sir? Who granted it a license? Was the public consulted at any stage?"
"Well put. But that is not how we see it? And do not raise your voice to me."
"And why should how YOU see it prevail over what it actually is and the clear purpose for which for which this evil contraption was invented."
"No comment."
"But, we have a right to an explanation, have we not, in view of the fact that this surveillance device is being forced upon us against our will?"
"Since when did the Sheeple understand one?"
"This is mind control.. an unlawful violation of human rights, Sir."
"Gettafuck outta here!" roared Wolfgang.

Our reporter left immediately with the Verbalometer's siren ringing in his ears. He wondered if Herr Wolfgang would do the sensible thing and have himself arrested.

More worrying perhaps than Dr. Wolfgang's sanity or lack of it, is the fact that his gizmo will soon become the norm in every office in Europe and elsewhere where the public are likely to confront, in defence of their rights, modern style bureaucracy and the New World Order it blatantly serves.

Where will it end?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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