The mystery of why Kim Jong-Un has not been seen during the DLT indecent assault trial deepened this morning as sources close to the supreme ruler claimed that he had acute piles and doctors were playing "hide and seek" with him in his palace while trying to sneak up and examine his pompous bottom. No one has been able to find him or a crate of Swiss cheese since the doctors shouted "coming, ready or not" and ran after him.
Justin Bieber, mistakenly thought to be playing hide and seek along with exalted ruler, Kim Jong-un in the palace maze was in fact at his luxury Scunthorpe home concentrating on trying to be more irritating than DLT.
The last surviving Uncle of Kim Jong-un, Uncle Ben Lang Graine Lice said this morning that Kim Jong, an avid reader of "The Spoof" was green with envy over the attention currently being given to sex pest DLT and laughing stock, Bieber. Unfortunately Uncle Ben appeared to have been executed while talking on the phone to our North Korean reporter, Lance Lowton.