PFfizer (or however you spell it) has put vaccines in gum! For all those bratty kids and their suspicious parents who don’t want to take their medicine … who doesn’t love a stick of gum? This gum is different, however. It sticks so well, that you…
Wayne, NE - A Blue Valley High School senior here courageously fought off two "robot ninjas" and has been awarded the coveted American Hero Award, all in his own head. What wasn't in his own head was his vow to watch over a beautiful cheerleader's gu...
MIAMI - Multi-billionaire Bill Gates visited the headquarters of Burger King and talked to the company's CEO about the possibility of him purchasing the global hamburger franchise chain. Gates mentioned that ever since he was 16½ he has dreamed ab...
Special to TPN - Constance Masticar, of the International Chewing Gum association, released data that offered hope for the world's deteriorating infrastructure: "Chewing gum has been building up on the world's paved surfaces since it was first used 9...
In a story that is horrifying both because of its content and the media coverage that has followed in its aftermath, Lady Gaga was seen engaging in bizarre behavior to satisfy her unusual taste. She was caught outside a middle school in New York...
A champion bubble-gum blower is starting another 5-year prison sentence after an armed attack on a sweet-shop in Gateshead. Alan Wrigley, 45, was named in the Guinness Book of Records as the young British record-holder after blowing an 18-inch bub...
CARSON CITY, Nevada - The Nevada State Senate acting on a request of the vast majority of the Las Vegas Gambling casinos has just voted on a bill regarding the chewing of chewing gum. State Senator Hula Hanna Dimpsydew, 46, [D-Reno] stated that th...
Leading economic indicators show the U.S. economy growing stronger, influencing the recovery of world markets and bolstering consumer confidence. Non durable goods distributors report record sales on "feel good" items like bubble gum and condoms.
Man Utd boss Sir Alex Ferguson declared himself a "relieved man " after his big gamble paid off as the club cruised through to the Champions League Final at Wembley at the end of the month. Fergie, at the grand old age of 70, still has the capacit...
CHICAGO - The leader in the bubblegum trading card industry has decided that it will honor the request of its thousands of card buying customers and fans and remove all Osama Bin Laden Bubblegum Trading Cards from their store displays. A spokesper...
CINCINNATI, Ohio - A man who went to high school with Speaker of the House John Boehner has told a reporter for The Cincinnati Afternoon Informant newspaper that he knows exactly why it is that Boehner is almost constantly crying when he is on televi...
While the U.S. Department of State scrambles to mitigate the damage caused by the last ouster of Internet tidbits from various embassies around the world, Hillary Clinton has advised her own staff to remove the network cables from office computers an...
Old Trafford, Manchester: £200 per Ciggy Pack Wazza who has not been loyal to his wife, understandably is not loyal to his football club and now wants a move from Manchester United and Chewing Gum Fergie. In what has been classic Chewing Gum Ferg...
The Mighty Reds team bus: Sir Alex Ferguson was cheerily chewing away at his chewing gum after, yet again, 'cocking another snoop' at the BBC. Many years ago, the BBC dared to investigate through it's 'flagship' Panarama programme, a documentary...
Tension was rife in the final stages of the Inter-County Professional Gum Chewing league, as 'Snakey' Henderson came out on top after chowing down against arch rival 'Bunty' Harry Tripp. The two competitors had each fought valiantly through the in...
Alex Ferguson is considering leaving as Manager, of Manchester United, to enter the World Chewing Gum Championships. For the last two years Mr I Chew, Chairman of the World Chewing Gum Championships, has been sending emails to Ferguson, on a daily...
Alex Ferguson, Manager of Manchester United, and World record holder for chewing a piece of chewing gum, is to appear in the new Gum Advertisement instead of the guy in it just now Barry Diamond. Anybody who has ever watched a Manchester United m...
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