Canada's female speed skaters have claimed that Sweden's Ivana Phuque, winner of four gold medals, had an unfair advantage. Canadian team coach Mary Winkiewiper said "Let's just say that her equipment looked like it had been enhanced. Her breasts were crossing the finish line thirty seconds before the rest of her. We never stood a chance."
Phuque had been the subject of much speculation before the games. Some claimed that she might undergo breast reduction, similar to Romanian tennis ace Simona Halep. However, Canadian men and spectators all over the world were not to be denied the sight of Phuque bouncing to glory.
The Swedish ace, Miss Stockholm 2007, said "I'm all natural, as God intended. If my tits help me win gold, so what. They get me much more than just first place. The Canadians are just jealous because they are 34B at most."
Already Phuque is planning to turn professional and build on her success. There are plans for an autobiography, "It's about The Tits", and possibly a film. Phuque is set for world stardom and wants to put this row behind her. "It's time they (the Canadians) moved on. I won. I've got the gold medals safely between my jugs and that's what counts."