The Winter Olympic Games were ensnared in more controversy today after odds on favourite Swede speed skater Ivana Phuque was found out to actually be Elin Nordegren's adopted brother, Ivan Phugue Nordegren!
The revelation occurred after Drug and DNA testing was demanded after Ivan(a) lapped the field (no pun intended) twice in the 10 meter event, finishing in a flourish coasting on only one skate and twittering on a cell phone.
The 6 foot one inch blonde maned Viking was said to be livid when it was announced the result was to be contested after the other 8 contestants said they had never seen Ivan(a) NAKED in the community shower, and seemed incessantly to be adjusting something in the nether regions of her spandex speed suit.
Tony Kornheiser, recently suspended for off hand remarks about a female colleague's attire which he said looked like she was wearing a sausage casing, said Ivan(a) "certainly looks like she had trouble stuffing her sausage in that costume! No wonder she has her balls in an uproar!"
Fellow sports presenter Skoob 1999, also recently sat down due to inappropriate comments concerning co host Erin Andrews was being cautious. "I can't say mate, I'd have to view the NAKED videos before I'd be prepared to comment! Pretty tight ass though."
Four Olympic Officials and 6 security men were required to restrain the enraged skater who attempted to do a Serena Williams and go after the Judges who upheld her disqualification on gender grounds.
Elin, just recovering from her horror over husband's multiple shagging revelations, was said to be mortified about yet another penis scandal in the family.
A spokesman said she has fled to the island of Lesbos, where she purchased an 8,000 square foot hide a way surrounded by a moat, and vowed she has had enough of men 'putting' or 'skating' around with their dicks.
