'Avatar' movie stills show Tiger shagging blue alien

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Saturday, 19 December 2009


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Audiences flock to theater, hoping for glimpses of Tiger shagging the alien

In a blow to the box-office blockbuster movie 'Avatar', computer hackers have discovered individual X-rated 'frames' showing golf billionaire Tiger Woods engaging in a variety of sex acts with a blue alien.

As a result, the R-rated movie might be slapped with an 'X' rating instead, which would exclude those 18 years and younger from audiences.

Avatar, a science-fiction epic set in the far future, features a number of blue aliens as cast members. On Friday, the film opened with $27 million in box office receipts. Future receipts at that level would be out of the question if the X rating is required.

'Most people don't realize that the pictures in movies don't actually move', said Peter Parker, one of the hackers involved in the discovery. 'In reality, a movie is composed of a very long, fast-moving series of individual photographs, called 'frames'. The 'moving picture' aspect is simply an illusion.'

Going through a movie frame by frame would take years for most people, but not for these computer geniuses.

'We used facial recognition software', Parker said. 'We thought it would be fun to run the frames against the facial metrics of celebrities. We were astounded when the program kept repeating 'hits' on Tiger Woods.'

'When we pulled the frames tagged by the program,' Parker added, 'there he was, Tiger Woods, naked as a jaybird, shagging this blue alien in an alarming variety of ways.'

Parker pointed out that moviegoers would not actually 'see' the pictures of Tiger and the blue alien, as the frames move past too quickly. He said, however, that the frames could have a 'subliminal, subconscious' effect on viewers.

'People who watch Avatar walk out of the theater wondering why they're having odd thoughts of interracial sex with blue aliens', Parker said. 'Now we know why, and this may be disturbing for children.'

The Movie Actor Guild Of North America (MAGNA) is reviewing the situation and would not comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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