Tiger Woods' nudie calendar sets Christmas sales record

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Saturday, 19 December 2009

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Tiger: 'You won't see pix of sluts like this, the calendar is all Tiger meat'

Following the announcement that the 'Tiger Babes' were releasing a calendar featuring twelve of them for the year 2010, Tiger Woods released his own calendar.

Woods, the world's first golfer to achieve more than one billion dollars in career earnings, and now famous for bedding many of the world's hottest white women, said his calendar wouldn't compete with the 'Tigresses' calendar.

'I've reached a commercial agreement with www.gayguys
whoarehotforblackgolfers
andlikebigputters.web', he said. 'They've done the market research, and women are not that much into porn.'

'But there's a lot of gay guys out there who want to check out my package.'

Asked about reports that his package is 'spotted', Woods said:

'That only adds to the allure. If you want to check out the package, buy the calendar. Then you can look at it all year long, and if you're bored, and lonely, try to connect the dots.'

Observers say that this adds credibility to reports that Tiger has opted for a career in porn.

Targeting the gay market proved to be a complete coup. The factory could not keep up with orders, retailers could not keep the calendar on shelves, and markups of 100 percent or more were not unknown.

'The gay market is the 'sweet spot' for Tiger', said John Jones, a retail marketing analyst. 'He's hotter than burnt toast.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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