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Funny satire stories about England football team

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Funny story: Harry Maguire Implicated In Huge Betting Scandal

Harry Maguire Implicated In Huge Betting Scandal

Police are looking into a huge betting scandal in the wake of the England football team's 5-3 victory over Kosovo in Southampton last night, with central defender Harry Maguire being the focus of their investigation. Maguire, it was, who dithered...

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Funny story: Harry Maguire England Captain For Bulgaria Game

Harry Maguire England Captain For Bulgaria Game

Harry Maguire has been named as England captain for the European Championship qualifier against Bulgaria at Wembley on Saturday (17:00 BST). Maguire, 26, will lead the national team out for the first time, as they bid to continue their great start...

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Funny story: Football Gossip: Nigerian Women, Hickman "Little Shit", Boothroyd Vote of Confidence

Football Gossip: Nigerian Women, Hickman "Little Shit", Boothroyd Vote of Confidence

After photographic evidence emerged of Nigerian players seemingly protecting testicles while facing a free kick, FIFA has begun an investigation into allegations that Nigeria's Women's World Cup team may not be all it seems. Coventry City defender...

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Funny story: Football Gossip: Derby Female Fans Excited as Cole Signs, Defoe's Cowdenbeath Experience, Beth Mead "Insulted" by Emir of Qatar, Hernandez Love for Argos

Football Gossip: Derby Female Fans Excited as Cole Signs, Defoe's Cowdenbeath Experience, Beth Mead "Insulted" by Emir of Qatar, Hernandez Love for Argos

Arsenal forward Beth Mead has withdrawn from England's squad for their training camp in Qatar. The Lionesses will use the camp to prepare for the SheBelieves Cup tournament in the United States, which starts on 27 February, and this summer's Women's...

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Funny story: Football Gossip: Newcastle, Southgate, Cambridge Utd Women "It Was Too Small", Mourinho Relief

Football Gossip: Newcastle, Southgate, Cambridge Utd Women "It Was Too Small", Mourinho Relief

According to England Manager Gareth Southgate after Sunday's win against Croatia, Harry Kane "is the best goal scorer in the world. If only he could do it when it really matters". Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley has sanctioned funds for the Mag...

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Funny story: International Football Breaks To Be Scrapped After It's Discovered Fans Hate Them

International Football Breaks To Be Scrapped After It's Discovered Fans Hate Them

International breaks, when all top-flight and Championship football is put on hold for two weeks because of upcoming national team fixtures, are to be scrapped, after it was discovered that supporters absolutely fucking hate them. The breaks were...

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Funny story: David Batty Deserves England Send-Off, says Phil Neville

David Batty Deserves England Send-Off, says Phil Neville

England Netball team boss Phil Neville was adamant yesterday that nobody should question David Batty's recall to the England football squad for the friendly against the USA. "I'm adamant that nobody should question David Batty's recall to the Engl...

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Funny story: Football Gossip: Scotland, Mourinho, England, Usain Bolt

Football Gossip: Scotland, Mourinho, England, Usain Bolt

Scotland head coach Alex McLeish urged his young players to show him they've "got a pair" against Israel on Thursday. After their shambolic defeat he apparently lined them all up in the dressing room and used calipers to measure their tackle before s...

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Funny story: Football Gossip. September 2018

Football Gossip. September 2018

Manchester United has denied that its fans created a crowd funding campaign to get manager Jose Mourinho jailed in Spain for tax fraud. United's executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward admitted that he had paid personally for an appeal to increase the so...

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Funny story: Where are they now? Football hit singles

Where are they now? Football hit singles

"We've made it to the first qualifying round of the Birmingham Spaghetti Junction All Comers' Floodlight trophy. I know, let's make a record." There was once a time when even the most mundane event in a football team's history would spawn a record release, but now thankfully it seems that these mind numbing ditties have died a death. Apparently it all started in the 1930s with Arsenal releas...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: World Cup Shambles, My Personal Roundup

The Secret England Footballer: World Cup Shambles, My Personal Roundup

By the time you read this, I'll be back in Blighty doing the biz with the owner's daughter again. Just what I need and so does she. We'll be off to Ibiza for some pre-season R&R shortly. Well, never let it be said that I didn't do my best for...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.

The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.

You know I told you so. It's taken a day or two for me to get over my anger, but now I feel free to vent my spleen. Forget Gareth's M&S waistcoat, the penalty win over Columbia, slab head Maguire's goal, getting us to the semi-final and all th...

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Funny story: England Still Have Everything To Play For

England Still Have Everything To Play For

England manager Gareth Southgate knows that he has a tricky job on his hands to raise his troops for tomorrow's game with Belgium, but has buoyed them with the rallying call that: Everything is still to play for - except for the World Cup, that...

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Funny story: Croatian Nationals Face Expulsion From UK In Wake Of England World Cup Defeat

Croatian Nationals Face Expulsion From UK In Wake Of England World Cup Defeat

There was a strange lull and an eerie silence over the country on Thursday morning as England and its people tried to come to terms with the fact that the England football team were not going to win the World Cup. Again. Gareth Southgate's men wer...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: The Swedes and Me Looking Like a Turnip

The Secret England Footballer: The Swedes and Me Looking Like a Turnip

"Lack of egos" in this England team is apparently what people are saying. "Esprit de corps" and lack of egos is exactly right and that's what's wrong with this team. Nobody has the balls to stand up to "Mr. Southgate" and tell him where he's going wr...

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Funny story: The Secret England Footballer: Belgium Gone, Bring on Colombia

The Secret England Footballer: Belgium Gone, Bring on Colombia

Well, I've been basking in the glorious defeat that was the Belgium match, just like the rest of the lads. One thing is spoiling it. No, that's not right...two things are spoiling it...no booze and no birds. I ask you. "Mr. Southgate" still wouldn't...

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Funny story: Man's Terrifying Dreams Come True

Man's Terrifying Dreams Come True

A man in Battambang awoke in a cold sweat this morning after a restless night during which he had several nightmares, but this was only the start of his torture, as the disturbing things he had experienced whilst asleep, began to reveal themselves as...

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