Beckham to Outsource Footballing Services

Written by Mr Intolerant

Saturday, 19 April 2008

image for Beckham to Outsource Footballing Services
Beckham forgets sock puppet at sons birthday

Due to ever increasing off-field demands such as shopping, personal grooming and generally looking pretty for personal endorsement appearances, occasional footballer David Beckham has decided to outsource his football services.

He has placed an advertisement in Football World seeking an experienced attacking midfielder to play the role of David Beckham for the remaining years of his LA Galaxy contract. When asked asked how this would work, Beckham was happy to expand.

"It's not like I'm quitting or the team are replacing me. With just so much going on I had to prioritise, so I thought I would hire someone to play the role of David Beckham for the footballing side of my life. They will still wear the Beckham name on the shirt be listed as David Beckham in the program and licensed to sign David Beckham autographs at the game."

"In essence he will be me for all on field and training activities, he may even play for England under my name if we can sort out some legal issues surrounding citizenship."

Beckham apparently had the idea whilst watching the session singers prepare the tape for the Spice Girls reunion tour.

"When I saw that Victoria and the girls were able to find someone to do their jobs for them I thought what a great idea. After an extensive search the record company was able to find 134,256 singers of similar or better quality down the pub on Wednesday 'arvo and next thing you know the girls are back at the motel bitching about one another whilst the lip sync track is being done."

The idea is not only expected to give David more time for flouncing around but also the opportunity spend more time encouraging Posh to eat and the possibility of franchising his playing ability around the globe.

"My management has fallen in love with the idea and we are talking to clubs in Spain, Australia, Japan and Brazil about signing me to supply someone representing me as well."

LA Galaxy management were unavailable for official comment but sources close to the team said that in LA everything is fake so there is no big deal.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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