The Daggers Are Out For Carlos Tevez

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 11 May 2007

image for The Daggers Are Out For Carlos Tevez
Tevez' agent yesterday

Carlos Tevez, the West Ham United player, is today the subject of intense transfer speculation after an audacious £5million bid for him by League 2 newboys Dagenham & Redbridge.

The Argentine is unsettled at Upton Park, and is unhappy at the way his name has been 'dragged through the mud' during the investigation into how he and Javier Mascherano came to become Hammers.

Tevez, 23, has made his mark recently, scoring 5 goals and putting on 10 kgs, and has attracted the attentions of several 'big clubs', including Chelsea, Manchester United and Tottenham.

The first concrete offer, however, has come from the Conference champions, whose chairman Dave Andrews said:

"We made an offer of £5million but, obviously, this is not a serious offer. To be perfectly honest, the 'Daggers' haven't got that kind of money. We've barely got sixpence to scratch our arse with."

Tevez, though, is keen to make a fresh start in English football, and may agree terms with Andrews when the two meet at McDonalds in Dagenham town centre on Sunday afternoon.

Fernando Castellano de la Luna Blanco y Negro de San Carlos Bariloche, who is Tevez' agent, said:

"I have advised him against this move. A salary of £40-a-week is not much, even with the matchday taxi ride to the ground thrown in free. Mind you, the alternative - staying at West Ham - doesn't bear thinking about."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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