NEW YORK CITY - (Sports Satire) - The NCAA Governing Committee has just announced that after repeated warnings that went unheeded, the Ohio State football program has been suspended and placed on probation.
Governing Committee spokeswoman, Melvina P. Outleer, 61, told the sports media that OSU had been told to stop using Gatorade that had been purchased in Russia.
She noted that the NCAA had sent a total of seven certified letters informing them, that if they did not comply with the mandate, then the Buckeyes football program would be terminated.
Information guru Andy Cohen, who knows everything about everything, said that the OSU athletic director, Geoffrey Eustis, chose to ignore the mandate because as he so arrogantly stated, "Hey folks we are THE Ohio State University, and we can do whatever THE fuck we want."
[PUBLISHER'S NOTE: WRONG, douche bag, you cannot do WHATEVER the fuck you want. And so now THE Ohio State University will be suspended for two years].
