The Taliban Olympics: Women Only

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Thursday, 5 January 2023

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This is a Very OLD Photo ... Now Banned, like Everything Else

The Taliban are giving serious thought about entering the next Olympics! Afghanistan hasn’t been in any Olympics since they outlawed jihad as a sport, so this will be an exciting time for the well-governed nation.

Strangely, most of the competitors – regardless of the sport – will be women.

There will be female swimmers in all swimming events – however, they are not allowed to wear swim suits. Instead, they MUST wear full robes with their entire heads covered. If they refuse to do so, they will be stoned to death when they get home. When they’re not competing, they will cook and clean and sexually service their male coaches and his friends. Their husbands will be their coaches.

Some have commented that it is highly unlikely any Afghani woman would win such an event wearing such garments – that it’s more likely they would drown.

The Taliban Olympic spokes(man) said, “Meh. And your point is?”

Other events in which fully-covered Afghan women may not win: well, anything involving running, jumping, skipping, bouncing and/or kicking a ball, flexing her muscles after lifting 500-pound barbells, skeet shooting (women are not allowed to touch the man’s gun), pole vaulting (too sexual), the entire decathlon essentially … uh, judo (thou shalt not touch another man – so says her husband – and thou shalt not touch another woman – evil lesbianism!) … uh, the list goes on.

The spokesman didn’t exactly say in which competitions he felt the women of his country would excel … every time I said something like, “Wouldn’t being covered like that kill the female athlete?” he just kinda smirked, sometimes laughed, and repeated, “Meh? And your point is?”

To the females of that nation … strip down naked and RUN! (This ain’t for the Olympics – it’s to save your life!)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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