The Chicago Bears Will Be Refunding Season Ticket Holders 75% Of The Cost of Their Tickets

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 4 January 2023

image for The Chicago Bears Will Be Refunding Season Ticket Holders 75% Of The Cost of Their Tickets
"My Bears had better start earning the fucking money I am paying them." -VIRGINA HALAS McCASKEY

CHICAGO - (Sports Satire) - The owner of the Chicago Bears, Mrs. Virginia Halas McCaskey, has apologized to the Windy City fans who are Bears season tickets owners.

The team that was once known as "The Monsters of The Midway," finished this season with a record of 3 wins and 13 loses.

That record led many NFL sportswriters to refer to the 2022 Bears, as "The Midgets of The Midway."

Sports Mirror writer, Tortilla Torres, spoke with the owner, who told her that she is so fucking embarrassed that she has decided to refund the season ticket holders 75% of what they paid for their 2022 season tickets.

Three of the team's corporate sponsors, Dr. Pepper, Summers Eve, and Paul Bunyan Condoms agreed with Mrs. Halas McCaskey.

Meanwhile, the female lingerie company, Victoria's Secret, stated that they do not agree with refunding anyone even one dollar.

A spokesperson for the lingerie giant, simply said, "Look let me put it this way, like the Kiowa Indians used to say back in the 1880's, 'Tough titty said the kitty.'"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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