Imagine being able to spend $100,000 on a massage. One might think that that would be much too much for even the most special of massages with the most special of masseuses in the most special of places. Deshaun Watson, however, has spent millions on Houston masseuses over just the last few years.
Obviously, Mr. Watson is a wealthy man. He is also one of the better quarterbacks in the NFL as evidenced by the recent contract he signed with the Cleveland Browns in which he will earn more than $200 million over the next five years. Unfortunately, Mr. Watson did not play at all last year and has been suspended for the first eleven games of this season and fined $5 million by the league. All this has to do with his alleged lewd behavior involving scores of massage therapists.
Mr. Watson, while a member of the Houston Texans, arranged for massages with over 50 local massage therapists. Apparently, Mr. Watson would prepare for a massage by being face up and naked except for a very small towel that barely covered his crotch. One might think that this might be a clear message to the masseuse about what was coming next; and, maybe not surprisingly, over the course of the massage, Mr. Watson would allegedly remove the towel and try to direct the masseuse’s hand or something else to where the towel had been.
This led to complaints, a criminal investigation—no charges were ever filed—and more than twenty lawsuits alleging sexual misconduct. It also led to the NFL suspending and fining Watson for violations of its personal conduct policy.
With just a little math, one can figure out that the massages probably cost Mr. Watson much more than $100,000 each when one factors in legal fees, settlements with the masseuses, fines, loss of endorsements, and lost wages.
So one might conclude that Watson’s behavior was not only quite inappropriate but also quite expensive. However, it all may have been worth it for Deshaun, who recently announced his engagement to Miriam Goodhead, a licensed massage therapist from Houston. Although we don’t know exactly how Watson and Goodhead met, we can speculate that it was through a massage. If so, maybe we shouldn’t be too critical of Watson who has been pilloried by the press and described as a pervert and a sick puppy amongst other things. Maybe the poor guy was just looking for the right woman, and it appears that he found her in Ms. Goodhead. We wish them the best.
Note: The Spoof does not generally provide advice on such matters, but we do not recommend that anyone use Mr. Watson’s methods to find a significant other.
