In a blow to Human Rights campaigners, the world football mafia, FIFA, has ordered players not to dress up like Santa Claus during World Cup matches in Qatar.
Two Brit players, captains of the England and Welsh squads, had agreed to don the traditional red and white suits of the beloved Christmas icon, to show their support for the mistreatment of Santas everywhere.
The Santa Claus Unity Movement (SCUM) revealed that each festive period, tens of thousands of Santas are forced to wear silly clothes, say “ho-ho-ho”, carry dangerous loads on their back, and allow often disobedient and smelly children to sit on their laps and say boring things. All for a pittance of pay. One Santa in California revealed how one child had told his parents that while sitting on his lap, he had felt a bulge in Santa’s trousers that made him want to cry. The Santa was arrested, branded a pervert and thrown in jail for a week, until the child admitted he had lied as a joke.
The Footballers Union tweeted under the meme hashtag IamSanta, We support you Santas. However, FIFA was having none of it and said that any footballers who dress up as Santa will be shown the red card and ordered off the pitch. A spokesman for the organisation claimed that dressing up as Santa Claus could create health and safety issues. owing to all the extra padding and the wool, which could come off during a tackle, as well as making it difficult to tell one player from another.
In a conciliatory move, however, FIFA agreed to allow players of the England and Welsh squads to enter the fields using a chimney, rather than through the conventional tunnel.
