BBC Announces Britain's Toe Wrestling Champion's Retirement

Funny story written by UncleDale

Sunday, 9 October 2022

image for BBC Announces Britain's Toe Wrestling Champion's Retirement
Alan was serious about his toe health and training regime

The BBC reports that Alan 'Nasty' Nash, age 63, after 17 consecutive Toe Wrestling Championships, is retiring.

Here is his retirement speech, verbatim, because I’m a lazy journo and you don’t pay me.

The old toes ain't what they used to be, He said. It's time to let some young blood with their strong young toes into the game.

I have had a good run.

When they started the toe wresting championship 1970 in Ashbourne, Derbyshire, I was a young - age 11. I knew right away this was my sport as I had fat muscular toes. I trained by picking up pieces of gravel with my toes. I could even use the TV remote with my toes - but Mum stopped me doing that as she didn't like having to clean it all the time.

They used to call me 'Toe Boy' at school and my girlfriends really liked what I could do to them with my toes.

But nothing stopped me - and after years of practicing hours every day - I won my first Toe Wresting championship - (a beautiful, large silver colored trophy).

It was hard staying on top all those years as other guys with really strong toes came along. But with strength and strategy my toes out - wrestled their toes every time.

May the best toes win - I always say.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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