Empire Games come to an end

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Thursday, 11 August 2022

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Britain gets away with levels of nationalism that would embarrass a German

After two week of sporting success and imperial glory, the Empire Games in Birmingham have finally come to an end. The closing ceremony featured Noddy Holder demonstrating the invention of heavy metal by lowering his sideburns into a concrete furnace in the shape of a bull.

In the final day of competition there was excitement when Guernsey beat India 12-0 in the shove ha'penny.

Meanwhile in the cheese roll, the Isle of Man conquered Nigeria by 3 to 0 with a knockout by Cheddar.

Other countries have seen the success of the games and considered starting their own similar competitions.

German Chancellor Geoff Hibbler said, "We have been wondering whether we could start an athletics tournament of our own. We would compete against all the countries Germany has invaded over the years - that's basically what the Empire Games is all about, isn't it? Of course, Britain would not be invited, but Jersey and Guernsey would."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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