OAKLAND, California - (Sports Satire) - The Major League Baseball team with the very ususual name, the A's, is struggling to attract fans to their games.
The businessman who owns the Athletics, John J. Fisher has been trying to get the city of Oakland to build him a new baseball facility for 99 months.
The city keeps saying that there is no money in the budget, unless they layoff 70% of their police, 65% of their firefighters, and 87% of their EMS personnel.
Fisher keeps threatening to move the team to either San Antonio, New Orleans, or Brooklyn.
A's manager Bob Melvin says that his players are all very sad, depressed, lonely, and most are so devastated that they have stopped eating sunflower seeds during the games.
One player, rightfielder Stephen Piscotty is so pissed that he wears a ski mask after the home games as he is walking to his Lamborghini.
Another player, relief pitcher Jorge Juan, said that even his great grandmother, Lucha Mucha Juan, who is an avid A's fan has stopped coming to the games because her doctor said that it is the reason for her depression, which is becoming more and more habitual.
SIDENOTE: Sports Territory Magazine is reporting that Bezos-Musk, Inc., is considering buying the A's and moving them to Austin, Texas.
