The Baltimore Orioles Are Very Interested In a 19-Year-Old Female Pitcher Who Plays For The Osaka Dragons

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 20 October 2021

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Sporting Chance Magazine has heard that the Orioles will offer Cumasaka a three-year $2.3 million per year contract.

OSAKA, Japan – (Sports Satire) – The two worst teams in Major League Baseball this season were the Baltimore Orioles and the Arizona Diamondbacks.

Sporting Chance Magazine reporter Hercules Confetti commented that both teams finished the season with identical 52-110 records.

Orioles manager Brandon Hyde commented that he saw a video of Yoshini Cumasaka, who is only 19, and he said that he was very impressed with her speed, her poise, and her cute little ass.

Hyde said that the pitcher for the Osaka Dragons has an arsenal of 6 different pitches including her very own Kamikaze Flamer, which is a combination fastball/change-up pitch that leaves her hand at 68 mph, but when it crosses the plate the speed has picked up to upwards of 98 mph.

Confetti pointed out that in his 27 years of reporting on baseball, he has never seen anyone, male or female with that type of a pitch.

Cumasaka also has fabulous control over her sinkerball, which her Dragon’s catcher says will drop by as much as 6 inches right before it gets to the hitter.

SIDENOTE: Hyde noted that he has asked Orioles owner Peter Angelos, to please, please, please sign Yoshini before one of the other teams including the Houston Astros and the Los Angeles Dodges sign her.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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