BOSTON – (Sports Satire) – The Red Sox organization has informed the public that the lawsuit which was filed by a fan who ran onto the field during the 7th inning stretch of a Red Sox-White Sox game back in 2019, has been settled out of court.
Eighty-seven year-old Riley Bob Kimtinhauser, who ran onto the field naked as a baby flamingo, and was beaten, tased, and pepper sprayed informed Boom Boom News, that he and his lawyer, are thrilled at the settlement.
According to Kimtinhauser’s lawyer, the legendary Gloria Allred, Riley Bob will receive a cash sum payment of $13.7 million, plus free physical, mental, emotional, and sexual therapy for life.
Ms. Allred noted that Mr. Kimtinhauser will also receive life-time box-seats to all Red Sox home games.
SIDENOTE: Boom Boom News reporter Chipper Caruso pointed out that Kimtinhauser’s 27-year-old girlfriend Tansy Nockweiser reportedly told Riley Bob, that she would be thrilled, honored, and grateful-as-hell to become Mrs. Riley Bob Kimtinhauser.
