BALTIMORE – (Sports Satire) – A 27-year-old female bowler in Baltimore has just bowled what is perhaps the most amazing bowling game in the history of the 10-pin sport.
Sportsapalooza reporter Pia Confetti, reported that Lila P. Festivus, who is an unemployed pole dancer, bowled a perfect game of 300; but the astoundingly amazing thing is that she did it using a regulation MLB baseball.
Lila, who is currently engaged to two different guys (it’s a long story), remarked that she had bowled a 300 with a regular-sized bowling ball last April, but she noted that this is the first time she’s bowled a 300 with a baseball.
When asked if she was the least bit nervous, Lila, smiled and said that just before the seventh frame, she began to sneeze uncontrollably and felt that she would not be able to continue.
But she remarked that lucky for her there just happened to be a Louisiana voodoo woman sitting in the second row, and she quickly jumped into action, administering her a Cajun/Creole concoction that consisted of crocodile lips, alligator uvulas, and ground-up Skittles.
Miss Festivus, immediately stopped sneezing and went on to bowl her perfect 300 game.
SIDENOTE: Lila told Pia Confetti, that Sports Illustrated will be doing a story on her and she will be appearing on the cover with President Biden, VP Harris, and presidential advisor Robert DeNiro.
