SAN ANTONIO – (Sports Satire) – Two of the greatest players to ever play in the NBA have just stated that they are in the process of purchasing one of the greatest franchises in sports history.
Larry “Tweet Tweet” Bird and Tim “The Quiet Dude” Duncan sat at a Dunkin Donut in San Antonio, and discussed the fact that the two will soon be the NBA owners of the Boston Celtics.
Bird said that he has invested in such companies as The 45-Second Oil Change Franchise, Jack-in-the-Box, Summer’s Eve, and Hercules Brand Condoms.
Duncan stated that he owns countless shares in Lego, Manchester United, El Matador Tequila, and the national Giggling Guacamole Restaurant chain.
When Bird and Duncan were asked if they would be keeping the Celtics in Boston, they both grinned and said that it’s 50% yes, 45% no, and 5% maybe.
When asked where they would re-locate the team, if in fact they did move the team, Larry replied Cheyenne, Wyoming, and Tim replied Fargo, North Dakota.
Bird and Duncan later met with Sports Territory Magazine’s Hiawatha Pamplona and revealed that they were just pulling the Boston fans legs and that the Celtics will be staying put in "Beantown."
Larry did say that he and Timmy are considering changing the team colors from green and white to lavender and fuchsia.
Duncan added that they will definitely be getting rid of the Celtic’s mascot Lucky The Leprechaun and replacing him with Benny The Boston Bean.