Kentucky Derby Winner ‘Medina Spirit’ Tested Positive For a Hoof-Enhancing Drug

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 9 May 2021

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Trainer Bob Baffert says that the only thing that goes into his horse's bodies is the best hay in all of Kentucky.

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky – (Sports Satire) – The Kentucky Derby Thoroughbred Racing Coalition has just revealed that a urine sample taken from Kentucky Derby winner Medina Spirit, after the derby win, showed traces of the illegal drug Mistohoofalosis, which is a drug manufactured in Costa Rica, that causes the hooves of a horse to enlarge by as much as 43%.

Noted horse veterinarian Dr. Paris Chimichurri, 47, told the news media that Misty, as the illegal drug is known, was originally used on the Budweiser Clydesdales, but there was no problem, since Clydesdales are not race horses; they are merely show and parade horses.

Dr. Chimichurri pointed out that, as everyone who has seen a Super Bowl Budweiser Clydesdale commercial knows, the Clydesdales have tremendously huge hooves that could easily hurt a Brontosaurus dinosaur (if of course there were still some around).

Medina Spirit's trainer, the world-famous Bob “White Hair” Baffert remarked that he truly believes that someone in the thoroughbred racing lab contaminated his horses's pee sample on purpose.

Meanwhile Medina Spirit's jockey Johnny Velazquez’s urine sample came out negative as did trainer Bob Baffert’s pee sample.

SIDENOTE: BuzzFuzz is reporting that Johnny’s urine sample came back with a 1.9% level for Lime Gatorade, which is perfectly within the accepted legal Gatorade guidelines.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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