LOUISVILLE, Kentucky – (Sports Satire) – The Kentucky Derby Thoroughbred Racing Coalition has just revealed that a urine sample taken from Kentucky Derby winner Medina Spirit, after the derby win, showed traces of the illegal drug Mistohoofalosis, wh…
SAO PAULO, Brazil – (Sports Satire) – Amazon News is reporting that the president of the Sao Paulo Red Grasshoppers, Pele, is very disappointed in two of his star players. Sao Paulo striker Galixico Saludos and goalkeeper Allegro Cabeza de Vaca ha…
A Grand Rapids, Michigan Doctor, Darren Strong, who is a diligent and compassionate practitioner has convinced his local drug addicts to allow him to inject anabolic steroids into their methamphetamine. He injected the steroids with a sledge hammer.
The news, yesterday, that this summer's Olympic Games in Tokyo have been postponed for one year, until July 2021, is a massive body blow to athletes who have thought long and hard about their use of performance-enhancing drugs to get the best out of...
Chris Froome will be allowed to race in the Tour De France after all doping charges against him were dropped. Prosecutors said: "No one fucking watches cycling anyway so who cares?" The four time Tour winner has been under investigation for 7 m...
There has always been a concern that there's more drugs in Russian athletes than in most 60s rock bands. After more Russian athletes were banned from competing in the Rio Olympics we caught up with our good friend Vald Putin to see what he had to say...
The assembled press came to see one loser as Maria Sharapova admitted taking the recently banned substance Meldonium. But there was another one on show: an innocent carpet, left bruised and with its shag swept against the natural lay. As she offer...
US government whistle-blower Edward Snowden believes they're aliens species in the universe. Snowden said, "They're trying to communicate with us. But we just don't understand them. " Snowden has an answer for researchers, scientists and amateur...
Despite Estimate, one of HRH Queen Elizabeth's horses accidentally getting contaminated food in its nosh bag, this year has seen many high points for the Queen's horses, the Palace said this morning. "Some of the horses that her nags mix with though,...
Fair play has officially taken its final breath and soiled its pants as the entire Canadian curling team had their Winter Olympics Gold medals revoked this morning, after testing positive for steroid abuse amongst other banned substances. Drug use...
LOS ANGELES - Justin Bieber flew into Los Angeles to visit his mother Pattie Mallette who is presently staying at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic. As he left the building he was approached by a reporter with Hollywood Innuendo. The repo...
Olympic officials have been asking themselves if Marijuana should be outright banned for all athletes who plan to participate in the Olympic games, now that it has become more accepted and legal in certain parts of the world. Speculation has risen...
NEW YORK CITY - The Major League Baseball Coalition on Drug Testing has just informed all MLB umpires that in 2014, before the start of the preseason they will be tested for PEB's. A representative with the MLBCDT Harrison Blittkinboro, 51, told t...
NEW YORK CITY - The Performance Enhancing Drug Scandal is really getting out of hand and it has now reached a new level or rather depth. Major League Baseball has just announced that one of the team mascots has tested positive for performance enha...
NEW YORK CITY - Major League Baseball is embarrassed at the black eye that it has received due to some of its players using performance enhancing drugs in order to gain an unfair advantage in the country's national pastime. Monroe "Knuckleball" Sa...
MILWAUKEE - Milwaukee Brewers' Ryan Braun who was suspended for 65 games and swore that he never took performance enhancing drugs has just changed his tune. The Brewers outfielder told Sporting Chance Magazine's Hercules Confetti that he now seems...
MIAMI - Former Major League Baseball player José Canseco has reportedly called up suspended New York Yankees player Alex Rodriguez. Canseco who was found to have used steroids during his playing days decided to call up A-Rod and invite him to join...
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