When is a 'Hand' not a 'Hand?' Ole Solskjaer questioned!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Monday, 1 March 2021

image for When is a 'Hand' not a 'Hand?' Ole Solskjaer questioned!
The position of players hands is unnatural claims Ole Solskjaer and called referees total Wankers!

(NOT EDITED) The definition of a hand not being in a natural position during a game of footy is obviously quite difficult to determine according to footy referees and their VAR assistants.

Manchester United's Norwegian manager has told English footy referees to, "stuff themselves" if they cannot decide where a footy players hand should be in a penalty incident!

According to Ole, the hand should not be swinging in the air waving at the ball but should be firmly pressed to the body to avoid complications during a tussle for the ball anywhere on the pitch!

Many modern footy players are 'tossers' anyway, so maybe they should keep their hands in their shorts during play, but that is physically impossible of course. In addition, modern day superstars love to wave their hands in the air, not at spectators, there aint any, but towards a loose ball, not opponents balls like Vinny Jones used to do, hoping the half-blind referee team do not spot their actions believing they are just correcting their £1000,00 nicker hairdo's.

Old School Ole, is losing his hair, and wits, at these rather pathetic decisions, and told the Manchester Evening News, a total bunch of journalistic 'Tossers' that in Norway footy players only wave their hands in the air when a passing moose trots across the pitch disrupting play, and not in the penalty area during a tussle. Plus, the fact, it's too cold in Norway to wave hands in the air.

The English Premier League are studying where the hands of players are supposed to be in the penalty area to correct such diabolical, confusing decision making. After watching Maradona do his 'Hand of God' trick over and over again, which bamboozled the whole footy world, without VAR, they have decided that players hands in the penalty area are only allowed in their shorts!

Modern 'Tosser' footy players like the decision because they're a soft bunch of wankers anyway! XL pockets are to be sown on to players shorts so no more discrepancies can occur. As soon as the ball flies into the box, all players, defenders, and attackers, must put their hands in their pockets, and if a single hand is seen flying in the air, either a freekick, or a penalty will be given!

Solskjaer is happy with the decision and apologises for calling modern-day referees, and their VAR assistants, a bunch of half-blind plonkers, but still got fined £100000,00 for daring to question a quite ridiculous decision!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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