(NOT EDITED) Last night Manchester United's manager failed to inspire his 'troops' into immediate action, so Jaggedone and his CIA (cockroach Infiltration Army) have recorded Ole's epic pre-match talk before the awful, soggy-fish encounter.
The recording is quite astonishing, and was smuggled out of the dressing room by super-footy-CIA Reporter, Bjorn To-Lose-Norwegian-Would, and here it is:
Ole: "Boys, we are about to create United history by bombing the shit out of this Dresdner bunch of wannabees! We did it back in 1945, and now history will repeat itself, but only in the second half, in the first half you can all go to sleep!"
Captain Harry Maguire, a WW2 expert: "But Boss, we are playing Leipzig, not Dynamo Dresden!"
Ole: "Shut the fuck up 'Arry boy, just do your job and kick the shit out of the Jerries, if you can, but only in the second half, I can't expect you and the boys to wake up in the first 45! You guys have too much stress, I feel for you!"
Harry Maguire: "OK, boss, you know best and your speech is quite inspiring although it was Dresden that Brits bombed, not Leipzig!"
Ole: "OK, Harry, enough historical bullshit let's bomb this bunch of ‘Dresdner Bayern Munich Pretenders’ out of the water!"
Maguire: "Water? But boss, there aint no water here in Leipzig!"
Ole: "Boys, I'm a Viking Warrior, and am always surrounded by Deep Water! Now get out there, fall asleep for 45 like I told you to, and then show them what you are made of here in Dresden, bomb the bastards!"
This inspiring speech caused waves, and the rest is history, but sadly not in Leipzig, maybe in Liverpool where they're wetting their pants laughing, and certainly not in the first 45 minutes!
Paul Pogba, in the interim, ignored Ole's inspiring speech. He was busy brushing up on his Spanish!