HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) – In a move that's shocked baseball fans throughout the nation, Houston Astros fan-favorite George Springer will be leaving Texas and moving up to Toronto.
The All-star, free-agent, outfielder and spokesman for Lone Star Beer, Trojan Condoms, and Tia Tina Mexican Food Restaurants, was highly upset that the Astros owner, Jim “El Cheapskate” Crane, did not want to pay him what he’s worth.
Springer told Pistachio Custer, with Sports Balls Illustrated that he will certainly miss his little animated, sunflower seed-eating, tequila-drinking buddy, Jose Altuve, and the fantastic fajita and avocado breakfast tacos from Tia Tina’s.
But he quickly added that he definitely won’t miss the Bayou City’s traffic, mosquitoes, and that horrible oil refinery smell.
George is thrilled that he will get to play up in beautiful, scenic, frozen Toronto with the Blue Jays. He has already been onto the Internet to learn French.
So far, he has learned to say, “Hey, partners, how is y’all doing?" and “Hey, Bubba, where can this old country boy grab him a chopped barbecue sandwich?”
The Toronto Blue Jays are happy that George has joined their organization, and team manager, Charlie Montoyo, has already nicknamed him, Le Roi George.