CINCINNATI – (Sports Satire) – After being in a stupor for weeks and weeks, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones finally managed to do something he had literally forgotten how to do – he smiled.
The 78-year-old Jones told Dakota Bazooka, with Sports Balls Illustrated that he was so happy with his team’s 30 to 7 victory over the Cincinnati Bengals, that he almost swallowed his dentures.
Luckily his BFF, former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, was able to open his mouth, and grab the dentures before Jones swallowed them.
Cowboys quarterback Andy Dalton did real good beating his old teammates. Meanwhile, running back Ezekiel Elliott turned in yet another sub-standard performance.
One of the Cowboys cheerleaders said Elliott played so bad, the brutha could have phoned it in.
Many long time Cowboys fans are calling for Zeke to return half of his $6.8 million annual salary. Elliott has responded by saying that they can kiss his big, black (blank). The word rhymes with 'razzmatazz.'
One of the Cowboys linemen suggested to Elliott that if he got rid of 75% of his bling-bling, perhaps he would be able to run faster.
Miss Bazooka noted that double E, has 2 nose rings, 3 earrings in each ear, a navel ring, a nipple ring in each nipple, and a gold stud ring in his tongue.
Wide receiver Ceedee Lamb, said if the Zekester ever goes near an industrial magnet he could end up in a world of hurt.