Football Pundits Argue And Almost Come To Blows On Show

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 2 January 2021

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It almost came to this

There was real drama on TV this lunchtime, when two football pundits, Don Hutchison and Leroy Rosenior, started arguing and almost came to blows during a conversation they were having about whether Eric Cantona or Bruno Fernandes had been the more influential player for Manchester United.

Former Liverpool player Hutchison did his best to assert that Fernandes had, in a mere 7 months at Old Trafford, done more for United, having provided the necessary impetus for Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's men to mount a realistic title challenge.

Rosenior, who plied his trade at Fulham, QPR, West Ham and Bristol City, robustly refuted this astonishing claim, saying that Cantona was, even today, known as King Eric by United fans. Also, he said, Fernandes had been at United nearly a year.

Wearing an incredulous expression on his face, Rosenior countered every stupid thing that Hutchison said, rubbishing his opinion, gesturing with wide arm movements and exasperated looks and laughter, until Hutchison, realising he, himself, had said something daft, stood up as if he were going to challenge Rosenior.

Leroy sprang up, clenching his big fists, and time stood still.

Moments passed. The other hosts, an ex-footballer and some woman, kept silent, possibly nipping-in their arseholes in the excitement.

Hutchison sat down, and put his lip out.

Later, they fell out again during the quiz, when Leroy shouted out an answer without pressing his buzzer.

Just before Kenwood turned the TV off, the pair were at loggerheads again about whether or not Tottenham were showing enough ambition, and about attacking and defensive boxing styles.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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