VENICE BEACH, California – (Sports Satire) – In the ‘It’s So Sad Department’, the once-great WWE wrestler Hulk Hogan is no longer a hulk.
According to Hogan’s dentist, Dr. Marzo Glittyhop, the once-world-renowned wrestler, whose wrestling weight was 302 pounds, is now down to 147 pounds.
Hogan's daughter, Brooke, revealed that her father has just not been the same since he got bit by a pregnant petting zoo emu on Valentine's Day of this year.
Brooke went on to say that alleged counterfeiting charges from back in December of 2013, have also taken their toll on her father, who she says now spends a lot of his time practicing ballet, singing show tunes, and feeding nuts and marijuana seeds to the squirrels in his backyard.
Meanwhile, his son, Nick, says that his father is so depressed that all he eats all day is one bowl of Bush’s Baked Beans, which he washes down with a six-pack of Corona Extra beer.