Hull City Boss Grant McCann Assesses Team's Chances Of Success Next Season

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 25 July 2020

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It's been a disappointing few weeks for Hull City manager, Grant McCann.

The Tigers were relegated to League One on Wednesday, after a 3-0 defeat at Cardiff, and eventually finished bottom of the table, propping it up.

Since January, they managed just one win in 20 league matches, a flukey 2-1 stoppage-time victory against fellow strugglers, Middlesbrough.

During their slide into oblivion, they conceded five goals against Stoke and Brentford - the latter at home - four against Leeds, again at home, and trumped those disasters by conceding eight at Wigan, in a white flag-waving 8-0 annihilation.

But the canny Irishman says all is not lost.

There is a Bigger Picture. He said:

"Yes, it's true things don't look so good at the moment, so the don't, but we've got to try to see the Bigger Picture, knuckle down, take a good, long look at ourselves, dust ourselves off, roll our sleeves up, pull our socks up, put our fancy-coloured poser boots on, get our tattoos done, sort our hair out, and win some games of football. Oink."

He droned on:

"We've not been good enough, so we haven't, the lads know the've let themselves down, so the do, but we know what we have to do, we want to win games, it's all to play for, everything's to play for, it's all in our own hands, there's 3 points at stake, we can learn from that performance, we move on to the next game, the owners are right behind me, we've got the team to get back up, I'm waffling. Oink oink."

And on:

"It's going to be interesting, the game's there to be won, we know what it means to the fans, we've got the best-run club in the land, you won't see me hiding, I'm from Sandy Row, I'm the man for the job, we want success for the fans, we've got a great set of lads, football's a funny old game, we'll go again, it's a game of two halves, jumpers for goalposts. I'm talking shite."

A reporter from the Hull Daily Mail asked McCann what the 'Bigger Picture' was.

He replied:

"The 'Bigger Picture'? Er, yes, well, let me see. The 'Bigger Picture'? Hmm, yes, the 'Bigger Picture', well, it's a picture that's bigger than the other pictures, which are smaller. That's it. That's right, so it is. The other pictures are smaller than the 'Bigger Picture', a good bit smaller, I would think about 6 inches smaller, yes, and it's on the wall in Mr. Allam's office, so it is."

He took a breath, and added:

"Oink."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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