Evander Holyfield Arrested for Not Wearing Mask, Claims Innocence Due to Missing Ear

Written by Amiko Aventurista

Sunday, 7 June 2020

image for Evander Holyfield Arrested for Not Wearing Mask, Claims Innocence Due to Missing Ear
I CAN'T HEAR YOU

Former heavyweight boxing champion, Evander "The Real Deal" Holyfield, has been arrested in Atlanta for not wearing a mask and failure to comply with a police order. According to District Attorney, Paul Howard, Holyfield faces two felony charges punishable by 11 years in prison and a $200,000 fine. Holyfield pleaded innocent on both counts.

Holyfield will put on a vigorous defense, said his attorney Roger Pederson. "The evidence will prove police abuse and prosecutor misconduct. Mr. Holyfield wants his day in court, demands a speedy trial and will bring expert witnesses and witness testimony."

During his zoom video conference, Holyfield gave a preview of his defense strategy including a zoom video call with Mike Tyson. "Mike, thanks for joining us by video conference. Love the gold tooth, by the way. Mike, go ahead, read the statement."

"My name is Mike Tyson and I bit Holyfield's ear off."

"You heard it. Mike has agreed to tell the tooth, I mean, the truth. My physical therapist will testify it's impossible to hook the mask on the right, and the charge will be dropped. I'm confident."

Howard Rosenberg, President, National Association of the Deaf, will explain I didn't hear the police order to disperse because the police was standing on my right side; the side with no ear. To paraphrase, Johnny Cochran, when he defended OJ, "... if there is no ear, he is in the clear."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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