Parrotman Has Started To Squawk Like A Parrot

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 7 November 2019

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Parrotfuckwit earlier

A man who, over a period of several years, underwent 'extreme body modification' in order to physically resemble his parrots, has now started to squawk like one.

Ted Richards of Hartcliffe in Bristol, who subsequently changed his name to Ted Parrotman by deed poll in 2017, appeared on 'This Morning' in October 2016, and told presenters Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford he had had radical surgery to his forehead, eyes and ears, so that he could look like his pets.

This had included having a metal plate inserted into his forehead to which implanted horns could be screwed, having ink injected into the whites of his eyes, and having his ears surgically removed, because parrots don't have ears.

They don't have horns, either, but this is what's known as an anomaly.

Now, however, despite having fallen somewhat short of going the whole hog and having wings instead of arms, and claws instead of feet, Parrotman has now started to replace his West Country mumbling with a parrot's squawk, which has had a profound effect on those who have dealings with him.

Neighbour, Alan Mutt, who walks on all fours and licks his own testicles like his pet pooch, said:

"He's ridiculous. An attention-seeking idiot if ever there was one!"

Bert Squirrelson, who has a whole menagerie of pets, but who resembles none of them, said:

"He looks like a parrot so much, that I thought he might attempt flying, but I certainly didn't envisage him speaking like a parrot. It's absurd!"

And local strumpet, Polly, who is pretty, said:

"I was passing his house the other day, wearing a basque, and he squawked at me. I was quite embarrassed!"

One of Parrotman's parrots, Teaka, said:

"He's just an imitator. He should grow the fuck up!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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