Manchester United Penalty Woes Continue

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 28 October 2019

image for Manchester United Penalty Woes Continue
Gumpsthwaite practising earlier

Manchester United picked up three easy points in their 3-1 victory against Norwich City yesterday, but their on-field problems continue, as they managed to miss TWO more penalties, bringing their total number of spot-kick failures this season to four.

United won at a canter at Carrow Road, giving boss Ole Gunnar Solskjaer some breathing space, and buying him some time as he thinks about new jobs, but he won't be happy with Marcus Rashford or Anthony Martial, who both fluffed their opportunities.

The Norwegian berated his players in his post-match interview, saying:

"What a shower of shit! How hard can it be to beat a goalkeeper from 12 yards?"

Paul Pogba missed a penalty against Wolves earlier in the season, and they are fast running out of players who could feasibly be regarded as regular and reliable penalty-takers, which is worrying, especially if they are awarded a penalty.

United are thought to be close to giving a Premier League debut to their 9-year-old Academy player Maurice Gumpsthwaite, who, apparently, is an expert from the spot. Solskjaer said:

"He can't be any worse than these highly-overpaid poofters! Give him his chance!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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