Harry Maguire In Halloween Trick-Or-Treat Incident

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 29 October 2019

image for Harry Maguire In Halloween Trick-Or-Treat Incident
Harry and Fern were watching Coronation Street, thank you very much!

The Manchester United and England central defender, Harry Maguire, and his girlfriend, Fern Hawkins, have been spoken to by police after an unsavoury incident at their home last night, involving Halloween revellers.

A group of young children, 200-strong, aged between 5 and 17, descended on the Maguire's Greater Manchester home at around 7:30pm, crowded into the garden and the surrounding street, and relentlessly chorused:

"Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!"

The noise, according to neighbours, was deafening. Alf Shadwell, who lives opposite Maguire, and who is a season ticket holder at Old Trafford, said:

"It was louder than being in the Stretford End!"

Harry and Fern had just started to watch 'Coronation Street', and quickly became annoyed. Fern said:

"I opened the door, and politely asked them to leave, but there was a crescendo of noise, and they couldn't hear me."

Maguire said:

"I told them they were too early, and to come back on Thursday, and if they didn't shift, I'd get the coppers, but they wouldn't budge."

A close neighbour who wished to remain anonymous, takes up the story:

"Harry came out, remonstrating. He looked menacing. There was some pushing and shoving. Suddenly, he executed a sliding tackle on a group near the front, and the crowd parted and began to scatter. There was some screaming as well."

One of the children, 7-year-old Emily Gristle, said:

"We only wanted some sweets, but the mister was nasty."

Police says charges are unlikely.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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