Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Makes Wild Statement After Manchester United Fail To Impress Again

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 4 October 2019

image for Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Makes Wild Statement After Manchester United Fail To Impress Again
Each bead indicates how many times out of 100 that this was not a penalty

Manchester United boss, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, says his team were "unlucky" in Holland, as they were denied a penalty during their drab, uninspiring goalless draw with AZ Alkmaar, in last night's Europa League fixture.

"It's a penalty 101 times out of 100," said Solskjaer, after Marcus Rashford fell down.

But this doesn't add up.

The most times anything can be "out of 100" is 100. This is a mathematical fact.

If the Norwegian wanted to convey the impression that the Rashford incident should - with absolute certainty - have ended with a penalty being given, he could have chosen so many other ways of doing this, rather than embarrassing himself with an illogical and impossible turn of phrase.

He could have said, for example:

"It was a penalty, without any shadow of a doubt"

"It was a certain penalty"

"It was a nailed-on penalty"

"It was a cast iron penalty"

"It was a penalty"

As it turned out, however, it was not a penalty, for the whistle perched between Lithuanian referee Gediminas Mazeika's lips remained unblown, and the clock continued to wind down on Mr. Solskjaer's time in charge of his lacklustre Manchester United team, that could not manage even a single shot on goal during the entire 90 minutes.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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