Harry Kane Says Tottenham Were Unlucky In Bayern Munich Rout

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 2 October 2019

image for Harry Kane Says Tottenham Were Unlucky In Bayern Munich Rout
Never inside, Mauricio!

Tottenham Hotspur captain, Harry Kane, claimed his side were unlucky, and did not get "the rub of the green" in their Champions League match against Bayern Munich at White Hart Lane last night.

Spurs were mauled 7-2.

It could have been more.

Kane was speaking after the game in which Bayern striker, Serge Gnabry, netted four extremely fortunate second-half goals in what turned out to be 'the mother of all thrashings'. He said:

"We, um, er, were unlucky. Things were going against us."

Asked to expand on this, the England man said:

"Well, first of all, I got out of bed on the wrong side. Then, when I was on the way to the stadium this afternoon, I walked under a ladder."

There were further examples.

"Son Heung-min said that he spilt some salt when he was preparing his noodles, and then his chopsticks were left pointing up in the bowl afterwards. A black cat crossed Danny Rose's path, Toby Alderweireld broke a mirror, and Jan Vertonghen inexplicably bought a new pair of boots and left them on the table. It was all going pear-shaped at Spurs today!"

Others said it was the same at Colchester in the Carabao Cup last week.

To compound the unfortunate nature of things at the club, team manager Mauricio Pochettino confirmed that he had earlier opened an umbrella in his house when he thought he saw spits of rain on his window.

Harry Maguire was not involved in any way, shape or form.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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