BILLINGSGATE POST: Devastated after being defeated by the bullies from Manchester United today, Leicester City Manager Brendan Rodgers announced that they purchased the contract of LA Galaxy Defenseman, Felixweather “Fly Face” Limpp, Jr.
Just who is Fly Face Limpp, Jr?
A little history: The original Fly Face was a New York attorney named Felixweather Limpp. He had light hair and a wrinkled face. He was heavy-set, and typically wore a bow tie and a sweater vest. He had poor personal hygiene, which resulted in his face being constantly surrounded by a swarm of flies.
Fly Face dropped out of high school at the end of his freshman year when he met Willie the Fifth. At that point, his life changed completely. As a member of Willie the Fifth’s gang, he did time in prison. While behind bars, he studied law and subsequently became Willie’s consigliere. Upon his release, Fly Face married Lizz Worthington.
Fly Face had taken to wearing a portable electric Bug-Zapper around his neck, but was still beset by flies hovering around his face. Despite that, Fly Face and Lizz had one child, who turned out to be a childhood soccer prodigy. At the age of 18 he was drafted by the LA Galaxy and played there until traded to Leicester today.
Fly Face Jr. also has to wear a Bug-Zapper around his neck, and will be given a special exemption by the Premier League for humanitarian reasons.
Slim: “Does he really HAVE to wear that Bug Zapper?”
Dirty: “Yo Dude. It kills the nasty pests. Just don’t call him Fly Face.”