Written by Escoball

Saturday, 1 December 2018

The NFL is finding it increasingly difficult to purge itself of domestic abuse perpetrators after the Redskins became a federally recognized Native American tribe under the U.S. Bureau of Indian affairs. The current land designated to the Redskins is not subject to Public Law 83-280, essentially stripping the local government of all special criminal jurisdiction over Redskins offenders and victims.

When asked how he was able to obtain the Native American designation Doug Williams responded, “Look, it went down like this. Trump and I are close, we’re both in Washington, we both love KFC, we bond. During our weekly visit to AMC Loews Uptown 1 to watch Bohemian Rhapsody for the fifth consecutive week, we reclined in our chairs and got to brass tax.”

Doug picked up his pink fluffy pen, slowly put his hand over his heart and dropped his pants around his ankles and whispered, “the bird perched upon the weeping willow swallows swiftly. Toot, a feather falls, freeing Fiddo from fond fascinations. Wiggle ye little pig wallowing in warm waste. Tweet a midget twerk teasing testicles. Totality is nothing more than a titillating travesty. Amen.”

After dropping a single tear, Doug chokingly finished, “Trump turned, set his watered gaze on me and uttered a single word before signing the papers, ‘Dubious’.”

In a disgraceful and unabashed push for the playoffs the Redskins have now become the most controversial franchise in the NFL swallowing up as many past superstar domestic offenders as possible. After the contentious signing of Rueben Foster, the Redskins are rumored to have signed Kareem Hunt and Greg Hardy.

We will keep you updated as the story unfolds.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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