Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 23 November 2018

image for Gary Lineker Suffering From Crippling Constipation
Lineker: it just won't come

Footballers and TV presenters are only human, and former Tottenham Hotspur and England striker Gary Lineker is all three, but it will come as a surprise to many people to hear that the 'Match of the Day' host is having 'toilet troubles', or so it looks, from this photo.

Gary appears to be suffering from chronic constipation.

He is thought to have started experiencing problems during the international break, when Premier League and Championship football grinds to a halt, in much the same way his bowel has.

Anxiety over England's all-important clash with Croatia, and, before that, the match against the USA, are being considered as possible causes of Lineker's discomfort.

Arguably England's best-ever striker, Lineker, who also played for Leicester City, Everton, Barcelona, and Grandpa's Eight, some tuppence-ha'penny side in Japan, always hated training, but he's now swapped this for straining.

One man with a nose for a bit of sporting gossip, The Spoof's sports correspondent, Paxton Quigley, spoke to a MOTD pundit, who told him:

"Er, yes, it's been a bit of a strain for Gary, but we're all pulling for him." *

Lineker, himself, was less communicative, saying only:

"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn." *


* Source: paxtonquigley@thespoof.com 2018

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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