Football Gossip: Nasri, "Cocky" Tottenham, Mourinho As Usual, Aberdeen

Written by Paxton Quigley

Friday, 9 November 2018

image for Football Gossip: Nasri, "Cocky" Tottenham, Mourinho As Usual, Aberdeen
Nasri: fighting fit and raring to go....

West Ham is thinking of signing 31-year-old former Arsenal and Manchester City midfielder Samir Nasri. The French international is a free agent after serving an 18-month drugs ban. A club officlal defended the idea, saying "the London Taxpayers' Stadium saw its fair share of drug cheats in the 2012 Olympics. One more won't make any difference."

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has told Tottenham "not to be so bloody cocky" and sent an advice notice telling the club to stop making claims it cannot fulfil. Hapless Tottenham fans have been told repeatedly that their new stadium (if it ever opens) would be the "only place in London" to watch Champions League football this season. Tottenham are languishing in third place in the group stage and their final two matches are against Inter Milan and away to Barcelona. Arsenal fans sympathise with their north London rivals.

Aberdeen is happy that the Red Army snapped up all 20,000 tickets for the Betfred Cup final. A club spokesman said "We've no idea what this fixture is about. Who is Betfred? Anyway, we put the tickets on eBay and the Russian army has bid £2.50 for the lot. Job done."

In an exercise of pot calling the kettle black, Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho has told his team to "grow up". Moaning Maureen said "We have to make sure that we grow up....I think it is clear that the team is growing up, but we also have to grow up in our compactness and to start matches well." The agent for frustrated Chilean striker Alexis Sanchez told The Spoof that Maureen can "cállate y vete a la mierda." If only we knew what that meant.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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