Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 5 November 2018

image for Serena Williams Went Way Too Far With Umpire
How did he get in here?

Tennis star, Serena Williams, has been adjudged to have 'gone too far" by another tennis star, Roger Federer, over her outrageous behaviour in her recent match against yet another tennis star, this time the sexy up-and-coming Japanese chick, Naomi Osaka.

September's US Open final, which she lost, was ruined by Williams' outburst, during which she called umpire, Carlos Ramos, "a liar", "a cheat", "a cad", "a demon", "a curmudgeon", "a braggart", "a nincompoop", "a swindler", "a sly one", "a knave", "a ragamuffin", "a vagabond", "a tallowcatch", "a dumbkopf", "a ne'er-do-well", "a fairweather friend", and "buggerlugs".
The umpire rather liked the sound of the last one.

She also said his umpiring was "ineffective", "grisly", "odious", and "inappropriate for a contest of this magnitude". She concluded her diatribe with:

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!" *

Ramos, gave Williams a code violation for receiving coaching during the match, and a further code violation for smashing her racquet. When she then let fly with her wondeful backhand volley of insults, Ramos docked her the next game.

Williams, who has a sister, Venis, told Ramos:

"Ah, quit it with the jibber jabber!"


* Courtesy of somewhere else

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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