Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 12 July 2018

image for Croatian Nationals Face Expulsion From UK In Wake Of England World Cup Defeat
England fans reflecting on another missed opportunity

There was a strange lull and an eerie silence over the country on Thursday morning as England and its people tried to come to terms with the fact that the England football team were not going to win the World Cup. Again.

Gareth Southgate's men were dumped out of the tournament by Croatia in a 2-1 defeat that left many seething, and others seeking revenge.

As early as midnight, Croatian nationals were becoming innocent victims of England fans' pent-up rage. In Faversham in Kent, a man's car was scratched, and a couple walking their dog in Stoke were glared at. A woman in Derby was given the V-sign from passengers on a bus.

Meanwhile, at a late-night emergency meeting in the House of Commons, Prime Minister Theresa May told MPs that she was considering taking immediate drastic action against Croatian nationals living in England.

"We cannot be seen to be taking this lightly," she said, adding "we have to maintain our 'challenging environment' policy in respect of undesirable elements living in our country."

MPs leaving the House in the early hours joked that any expulsion might be termed 'Crexit'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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