Open Mouthed Banter

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 23 April 2018

After the greatest team in the world was denied a definite FA cup final win by Manchester United people have been up in arms about a “tweet” sent from the official FA account about Harry Kane. Normally Harry is only up in arms about the sun setting as he thinks it’s “died”.

The tweet mocked the fact that England’s “Star” striker had made as much of an impact as an asteroid made of balloons in the FA Cup semi final. Harry had waddled around the pitch looking like a competition winner as Tottenham slumped to their 8th successive semi final defeat. Must be terrible for their wives if all they can ever achieve is a semi.

With the FA apologising to Harry we decided that we’d probably been too harsh on him ourselves, especially after the weirdo swore on “his daughters life” that he scored. So here are our apologies to famous sportsmen:

Andy Murray: We’re sorry for saying you’re an emotionless robot who hates English people. We’re sorry for insinuating that you’re management have convinced you it’s a good idea to cry after a defeat to make you seem human and relatable.

Lance Armstrong: Sorry for calling you “Norman No-Bollocks” after you were caught drug cheating. In hindsight all cyclists should be allowed to take performance enhancing drugs as professional cycling is boring as shit

Jaime Redknapp: Sorry for saying you spent more time doing you’re hair than you did on the pitch.

Jose Mourinho: We’re not sorry you deserve everything you get

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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